Resolutions in my experience never work. I slap a load on my list around this time every year and practically never look or think about them again.
They often seem so much like punishment: “Lose weight”, “Go on social media less”, “Join gym”, etc. I don’t like that. So for the last few I’ve tried to set achievable goals instead. Have I always hit them by the end of the year? Not always – but it’s felt more positive to frame them as things I want to do so I feel less of a failure when I don’t quite get there.
On the eve of 2020, not just a new year but a brand new decade, I vow here and now not to be so freaking scared of everything.
Maybe IRL I don’t come across as a fearful person but let me assure you I’m anxious and frightened of everything. The future, ageing, never achieving what I set out to achieve (whatever that is).
I’m scared I’m actually stupid and due to be uncovered as a complete fraud any day now. I’m scared of dying alone, of losing my loved ones and sometimes I’m simply scared of trying.
The simple act of putting myself truly out there might even be the scariest thing of all. After all, a crumbling nation is at least something I can share with my fellow countrymen. Being me is a very solitary act!
I’m about to interview for my dream job and I’m a bag of nerves. As usual. And you know what? It won’t do. This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for – the role was practically handmade for me – why is my default reaction to anything challenging sheer panic?
So this the year I believe in myself. The year I take on things outside my comfort zone because scary can be good too. This time though, I will approach them with understanding and the belief that I’ve got this. There are years of life experience under this belt and I need to trust myself.
As well as living as much as possible without fear, here are a few goals:
- Become the best witch I can be
- Take a burlesque class
- Walk to and from work whenever possible
- Write more
- Draw more