Anyone else experiencing extra vivid dreams during this bizarre period? Last night I dreamt my husband was a young Arnold Schwarzenegger (but still Glynn) and we were in the process of entering a Martian sex planet, to see out the rest of our days. Arnie/Glynn was dressed in an incredibly sexy outfit of half PVC trench coat/suspenders and thong – and I couldn’t see myself (luckily) but I would imagine I was sporting a similarly saucy attire. I woke just as we were doing something dubious to get through Martian customs.
Every night is a new adventure and even more so as every day brings a new worry about what’s going to happen next. In general the lock-down is going okay for us, we’re both fairly content just to get on with it. None of us have any choice but we’ve always been pretty adept at shutting out the world when we want to.
I upped my meds a month ago which has helped take the edge off the crippling anxiety I was experiencing when I first started working from home and then got furloughed. I know it’s not cool really to talk so candidly about being medicated but I feel like I should because the taboo surrounding it can be damaging. It’s not the answer for everybody by any means but it works for me. Every now and again I experience the tell-tale sign of a pounding heart and I know there’s a panic attack on the horizon. Luckily I have a pill for that too.
Anyway, that’s my way of saying I’m trying not to worry too much about the things I can’t control (Sure, Jan, reallllll easy). One day at a time and all that. I guess the dreams are our way of sifting through the debris of the day and trying to make sense of it all – hence my desire to see my husband/a major action movie star in skimpy knickers.
In other news, I can’t remember the last time I left the house and I know this is a bad thing but I just don’t want to go out there. I’m sure I’m suffering from Vitamin D deficiency and I’m definitely not getting in my daily steps but mentally, I just can’t do it at the moment. There are still too many people in the park on lunch breaks and not all of them seem to get the 2 metre rule.
When I think about leaving the confines of these walls, I’m reminded of this movie. In it a mother tells her son he can’t ever leave their apartment because poisonous gasses will kill him immediately if he does. I know this is dramatic but it does feel like an invisible force has a hold on us. I’m ready to get back out there but I think there are certain lock-down behaviours that will remain. I can’t imagine being as free with my hugs (beyond the core group obviously) or wanting to visit super crowded places. Not that I was ever a fan of too many heaving bodies.
Anyway, thanks for listening to this ridiculous outpouring of quarantine gobbledegook. It helps to write these thoughts down. It will be interesting to look back on them when we’re embark on the new world.