Last week was not a great week for me. I felt very sorry for myself and spent an awful lot of it moping around. I know there’s nothing wrong with taking time to feel this way and I don’t apologise for it. But, after I found this, I started feeling better. I also shared that piece around work and a lot of people talked to me about it, saying it had helped them too – which made me feel less alone and more like these feelings are all part of a recognised cycle. An actual thing.

I really need comfort at the moment and I’ve sought it in many different ways. Nice things for myself like sheet masks and deep conditioning treatments for my hair but I also bought myself a Care Bear which takes me right back to my childhood (anyone else take a step back in maturity when you’re feeling shit?). I like the softness of his fur and he’s nice to cuddle as I drift off (Grumpy bear if you’re wondering). Fun fact, this isn’t even the first CB I’ve purchased this year, the other was Bedtime bear.

But this isn’t an 80’s nostalgia post – I wanted to tell you about my first (and only) Tarot reading. I’d never had one done before so when someone with a good rep popped up on Instagram (recommended by an influencer, no less), I approached her. Yes, my reading was done via voicenote but magic can travel in any form and the cards don’t lie (apparently).

When requesting my reading I was given the option of lots of different types – like the answer to a specific question, a glimpse into the future – but I chose Past, Present & Future to start with. I figured it would be fun to see if anything about me sprung out and I wanted reassurance that I’d get through all this shit we’ve been dealing with. Silly as that may sound, it’s just how I deal. I won’t go into the nitty gritty too much but my Tarot reader was lovely and touched upon something big in my past. This event was completely out of my control because fate controlled it.

She said that I blame myself for it but that I shouldn’t – and that I need to finally let it go. Now I know what this is and it’s completely true I still carry it with me. I’ve been trying to let it go for a whole decade but the after affects are still apparent. It’s in the way I doubt myself constantly – and in the way I over apologise. So that was interesting – and not my fault, which is good to know.

I will be okay and an exciting opportunity is very close, something that will inject money into my life (she said she recognised that I like money!) but I can’t rest on my laurels. At this stage procrastination is a bad idea – so that’s also something to work on. As opportunities arise and this great new thing starts to take shape, I need to be ready to jump. Perhaps by letting go of the past I will have the bravery I need to push myself forward.

It’s not all jellybeans and rainbows, there will be challenges and hard work ahead (life, innit) but the cards tell me I’ve got this – so I got this. I’ve also bought my first Tarot deck and will be teaching myself to read them over second lock-down Autumn/Winter.

I’ll definitely have more readings in the future because it gave me exactly what I wanted and needed at the time. Magic has been a real pillar of comfort for me over the last few weeks and I’m really happy to have it. Meanwhile, the Book of Shadows moves slowly, but at least it’s going. I’ll share more on all that later in the month.

How are you?

Tarot reading by Stella Divination.