I’ve fallen behind on Blogtober but I’m not going to beat myself up about it, nor bust a tit to write five posts in one day in an attempt to pretend that I haven’t dropped the ball. It is what it is and if I’ve learnt nothing else during the last seven months, I’ve learnt to cut myself and others slack when it comes to productivity. I no longer have the patience I once had for new things or for completing projects – sometimes all I want to do is sit dribbling on the sofa in front of Paranormal Activity again.
I started Inktober and did about three drawings before losing momentum which really got me because I was so looking forward to it (and I was doing it in tandem with a friend). A friend who also lost the wind in their sails at the same time luckily, so it wasn’t so bad. I want to commit to NaNoWriMo but I don’t know if I have to head for it right now.
Everything is still such a lot and there are times it feels I haven’t adapted to this new way of living at all. Taking one day at a time is helpful in getting through these end times but it takes my attention away from planning for the future. I guess that’s a nice thing too, distracting oneself from the things we can’t control but there has to be a cut off point. Maybe it’s next Spring. Maybe it is acceptable just to get through the rest of the year and worry about development later.
I am very lucky though, I know we’re in a blessed position and I’m just going to keep on with my manifestations and wishes – and keep my head down. Glynn started training for his new job this morning and it’s exciting! I do think this period of uncertainty – and I know there’s no guarantee with anything at the moment – has made me assess a lot of my very bad habits. Shopping is my very worst vice and I don’t even enjoy or keep most of the things I get such a kick out of receiving. It is just the rush of getting that knock on the door and unpacking something new, only to realise I don’t need or even like it that much. I took 13 packages to the PO yesterday morning to return to ASOS and I felt so ashamed. I should – and let’s face it – MUST stop this nonsense.
Anyway, our next Blog Collab post is coming later, I just wanted to check in and chat about fatigue. I’m napping an awful lot more than normal on the weekends and I know mentally I need it so I’m not stopping myself – but I’m definitely not getting enough sun or exercise which doesn’t help me feel as good as I could. I am gradually getting out a bit more and am going to a birthday dinner on Wednesday which should be lovely. I’ve decided not to drink anymore, even the odd one because it makes me feel so rubbish the next day – and mainly from an anxiety POV. I honestly have never really been that into alcohol, something that has always made me feel like an outsider – but I don’t really give a fuck now. And I won’t miss it at all.
So that’s me. Trying to get through it like everybody else, wrapping myself in soft blankets and jersey jumpsuits – welcoming in maximum comfort. Going to sleep hugging Grumpy Bear for dear life. And trying to avoid the news and not think about how much our government has fucked everything up so very badly. It’s hard to have hope about it really given everything that’s happened so I’m taking a head in the sand approach this week.