I’ve been feeling out of sorts for a few weeks now and it’s not all one thing, just a culmination of lots of little (and not so little things). Luckily, I’m pretty good at listening to my inner workings and knowing how to make myself feel better. My friend Helen referred to me as the Queen of Self Care recently and honestly, she’s not wrong.
I guess this is a catch up post so I can freestyle what’s been going on. We’ve been in the new house for a month now and I love it so much I never thought I could ever be as happy in a place as I am now. It feels different and we care for it differently. I’ll willingly pad downstairs on a Saturday morning to hoover and tidy – it feels good to be a real adult women finally. My husband has lost his job though so it’s all feeling a little bittersweet. Unfortunately, redundancy has hit the Bass household (as it has with so many people in the UK and worldwide). Basically, Miss Rona is a bitch and we now have to deal with her aftermath.
I can’t deny I’m not worried every day that I’ll lose my job too or that we won’t be able to pay the mortgage – but we have no choice but to keep going and face whatever comes our way head on. The Wiccan in me knows it will all be okay in the end and I can manifest a good future – but for now it’s still A LOT. I still worry about getting sick, losing loved ones, the economy – I haven’t gone back to normal at all. If anything I’ve become even more hermit than ever. I receive visitors like a pro though!
But yeah, I’m not going back out there yet. I’m still going to be careful. I’m waiting for the second wave and worrying about that too. This morning I had a bad panic attack and I can’t be sure what triggered it. The heat (we’re in the midst of a heatwave here) or caffeine? Who knows but it was frightening – I feel like I’m back to being scared of everything again. I do know though that I have to trust the universe – the Goddess – not to give me more than I can handle. I can handle a lot.
We’re staying positive but we’re also feeling our feelings. If we’re having an off day we acknowledge it. I’ve recently read an article about toxic positivity (here) – another thing Helen and I discuss a lot. I know I’m guilty of slapping on a good attitude at work when I might not be feeling it – fake it ’til you make it, if you like. For me that’s how I deal – I’m surrounded with a few people that do not do this AT ALL – but I do think it’s important to be honest about real feelings – so I’m learning how to just be at one with them.
I’m really not enjoying my physical appearance much either, so the self care I’m undertaking is for body and soul. Lots of deep conditioner and face masks – oh and sleep. All the naps. I might even have one during my lunch break in an hour. I can’t stand this heat.
In other news, I’ve been watching way too much Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and it’s starting to have a really negative effect on me. All that arguing! It’s even permeating my dreams now so I might switch to Disney movies for a bit. Comfort all the way.
Anyway, that’s it from me. I feel better for getting this all out. There’s been good news too but some I can’t share yet. I will when the time is right.
How are you?