This week I’ve been working on not taking on other people’s worries unnecessarily. Not in an I’m alright Jack kind of way but I tend to fixate on other people’s stresses – particularly my husband’s – which can be pretty unhealthy, and I’m sure irritating for him/them. It’s hard to explain this but let me see if I can break it down.
Now G and I are working from home I can hear him doing his thing downstairs. He’s so good and works a million times harder than I do – sure, it’s a new job and he has to impress but he’s a machine where I find myself easily distracted. But I hate the idea of people being rude to him on the phone (all part of any job) and if I accidentally catch a snippet of conversation wafting up the stairs, I can’t focus on anything else. I have to fight the urge to run downstairs, grab the phone and give whoever he’s speaking to a piece of my mind.
It was the same when he was job hunting. I want the best things for him because he’s brilliant and anyone who can’t see it makes me furious. You see how that could be a little OTT?
I’ve had to give myself a talking to and accept that I can care about the people I love but ultimately must leave them to deal with certain issues themselves. I mean, unless they ask for my input. I know this is just my anxiety manifesting itself in a new way – focusing on things that are not in my control and distracting me from the things I have power over, like hanging up my clothes, taking care of my skin – ringing the dentist.
I close the door on my little office now and put podcasts on to tune everything outside the room out. I need to do this, or I’ll worry myself into an early grave. And it’s not just this newly identified behaviour – I worry if the people I love are happy, have lived fulfilled lives, have any regrets – like, calm down woman, and think about your own life.
There’s work to do here and it’s been a lot better since I’ve had the inner pep talk. I’ve been more focused and I’m just trying, as is the 2020 COVID mantra, to take one day at a time. I’m not just here to look out for myself but I have to trust that the people I care about are working on their own shit and will ask me for help if they need me. Hopefully.
Well I can relate. I have three grown kids and two grandson’s and man I worry about them all the time, I try to stay out of there business but there are times I just can’t help it, I have learned at times to let things go. My husband does need some help with things he doesn’t understand. At the same time he doesn’t listen to me when I know what I am talking about or we go around in circles just to come back to what I said in the first place, Yes we do need to learn to back off and take care of our selfs and set those boundaries,
Many hugs and lots of love
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Aw hugs and love back to you. It’s hard, isn’t it? But we care and that can never be so bad. Thanks so much for sharing, it’s good to know it’s not just me xoxo