This may just be hope speaking, it may be naive – and I know there’s still a lot of work to do to get us there – but now there’s a vaccine and life looks set to head back to (an admittedly new) normal, I want to think about all the things I want for Christmas.

Diamonds and pearls, designer handbags, electronics… I don’t want them.

My shopping has been out of control over lock-down and I know I use it to fill a void in my life. In this case it’s been a mixture of depression and boredom. Although I return most of the things I order – it’s such a waste of everyone’s time. And the way fast fashion works, I can’t even be sure these things don’t find themselves in a landfill somewhere, rather than back on the shelf ready to go to a better home.

I need to stop clicking on confirm order – and check myself.

All I really want for Christmas is home…

…family, Kung Fu Panda (all of them) and cheese. I want handwritten cards and phone calls.

I want Christmas lights and the smell of turkey roasting. I want kitchen stress and a sweaty brow, snapping at my mother when she asks me if she can help – then apologising for said snapping.

I want disappointing cracker prizes and scrambled eggs on Christmas morning. The Queen’s fucking speech (even thought we’re not a royalist household). Home Alone. New slippers and Christmas PJs.

Our first Christmas

I want to enjoy our first Christmas in the new house. Our lovely, messy glorious home, which is the best thing that happened to us this year. Apart from getting Mittens.

A brighter new year

While I’m not making resolutions this time (she says), I still want to enjoy that special hopeful feeling you just don’t get at any other time of the year. Autumn is my true jam, always but new year is new year.

It’s feels something akin to magic – and even if it never quite turns out the way we’d like – it’s beautiful to be staring at a fresh page, and we can write whatever we like on it.

What can I say? After everything, I’m still a believer. As my mum always tells me, trust the universe. So I’m choosing to keep the faith.

Okay maybe some superficial stuff

To keep this post from being too twee I also want a new diary, some nice pens and Animal Crossing on the Nintendo Switch. Which I don’t have so I’ll need one of those too*.

What do you want for Christmas?

*I’m only kidding, we’re on a tight budget this year.